i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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