he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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