Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Is that strawberry winking at me??
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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