Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
