This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
foreskin is a definite game changer
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
