you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
