Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
