her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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