I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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