i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If I die, sorry about rent.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
