i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
