this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
