my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
