i already hear my dad disowning me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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