she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
