Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
