He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
