You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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