Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
