Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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