Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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