I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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