I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
