Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
