I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
