Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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