Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
