There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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