i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
