I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
