I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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