I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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