dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
