I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
