I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
