New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
