He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The Olympian is in my bed
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
