We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
