Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
