I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
