I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
