Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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