And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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