i just had sex bonerless
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
