I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
