These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
