yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
