i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again itβs a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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