Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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