Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
